Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
