i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
