Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
