if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
