Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
youre lurking in front of me
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
