I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
