id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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