I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
