Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
