Me. At least after what I've been through.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
