i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
how drunk are you?
Several
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
