her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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