You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
