Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
