I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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