My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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