he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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