even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
