Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
