Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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