if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
My cat gives me a boner
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
