I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
