TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
