I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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