final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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