Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
