Can i not drive my cunt home
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
