my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
