Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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