Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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