all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
