I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
