if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
