I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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