Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
