I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
