omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
