I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Success! We fucked roommates!
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
