We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
