I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
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