just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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