I can tuck mytits in my pants
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
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