4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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