yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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