Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
