cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
