I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
