the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
