I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Randomize