When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
