Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
