You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
