got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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